Tag Archives: emotions

Thinking Outside The Box When It Comes To Healing

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Thinking Outside The Box When It Comes To Healing

Many of us don’t realize how much of a role environment, emotional state and spirituality play in our current health status. Understanding these connections can be especially helpful during the peak of cold and flu season. To fully grasp this “cause-and-effect,” it’s a good idea to have a larger perspective on the following contributing factors to illness.

Emotions

The late psychologist Abraham Maslow, Ph. D., said that aside from basic survival and safety needs, we possess an innate drive to belong, develop self-esteem and actualize our authentic selves. While it might seem that exposure to more people is an invitation for illness, a study found the exact opposite: According to the researchers, people with one to three social “roles,” such as a parent, child and friend, are more than four times as likely to get sick than those with six or more social roles.

This may stem from the relationship between your immune system and the self-esteem you get from your interactions with others. The more positive social interactions you experience, the greater your self-esteem and the more you enhance your immune system’s functions.

Spirituality

Spirituality can be broadly defined as the things you hold important and sacred, and the relationships you form with others and with the world around you. Boundary setting is one of the most important aspects of spirituality; it is especially important if you want to create a meaningful and fulfilling life.

The boundaries you set are codes of conduct relating to how you behave toward yourselves and others. For instance, how you eat, work, exercise, and live all reflect your individual boundaries. All of these actions have a profound effect on your health and sense of well-being.

Environment

Your body actually has two distinct environments that interact with one another: the internal, and the external. This is something you should always be mindful of. In the external environment there are sources of noise, stress, toxicity, temperature and mood affecting weather, and volumes of work or exertion to complete. All of these things affect your health directly by influencing the nervous system and your immune systems.

Internally, your body’s chemical environment has a large bearing on weather germs are allowed or prevented from inhabiting your bloodstream. This makes it important to consider the ways your internal environment is manipulated by the foods you select, your sleep cycles, and the kinds of thoughts you allows to take up residence in your mind. Both positive and negative ideas can have a big influence on your choices and behaviors each day.

When all is said and done, illness can be caused by a wealth of seemingly insignificant factors that affect the whole person. Various strains of colds and viruses have different dimensions. This is because humans are also multidimensional. Recognizing this fosters the understanding and application of emotional, spiritual, and environmental cause and effects of sickness. This comprehension and practice allows you to prevent colds and flus from affecting you.

FREE Whole Health Consultations available.
888-354-4325 Take charge of your health!

12 Steps For Handling Difficult Relationships During The Holidays

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Avoiding Conflict During The Holidays By Georgianna Donadio of National Institute of Whole Health

Thanksgiving is approaching, and the December holidays are on the horizon. Some say: “It’s the most wonderful time of the year!” Or is it? For many of us, the holiday visits back home to family members are something to be dreaded.

While we look forward to the pleasure of celebrating these festive times, there is also the memory of past conflicts and the very real possibility of new confrontations that we find ourselves anxious to avoid. We can tell ourselves that this is the year we will not get stressed out or upset with visits to or from our families.

This is what we strive for yet, most often, not how things turn out. So, how can we better navigate difficult relationships during the holidays in a way that is beneficial, and not harmful, to our whole person health?

Difficult Family Dynamics

According to Dr. Jeffrey Fine, Ph.D., director of the American Foundation for Conscious Parenting, our families can be “a breeding ground for repressed resentments and hostilities left over from childhood.” We might anticipate that once we have grown up and moved away to create our own lives and families these feelings would diminish, but, as many of us experience, unfortunately they do not.

One potential solution to transforming the holidays from stressful to joyful is the application of identified communication skills that have been researched and shown to facilitate changing difficult relationships. Behavioral Engagement is a 12-step set of communication skills that has been the subject of hospital pilot studies over a 2-year period.

The outcomes of these pilots showed the participants experienced a significant improvement in their relational outlook and attitude after interacting with the communication skills model. Originally developed to enhance relationships between whole health oriented doctors, nurses and patients, the model was also applied and studied with business and family relationships.

James Prochaska, Ph.D., renowned researcher on behavior change and author of Change for Good — the Six Stages of Transtheoretical Change says of Behavioral Engagement: “The process of Behavioral Engagement has the potential to transform relationships that are suffering or struggling to ones that are thriving!”

Generally, one of the most recommended approaches to staving off holiday conflicts is to “try and accept family members or friends as they are.” Unfortunately, this good intention can be easily sidelined without specific communications skills that can help keep us on track.

Easy 12-Step Model

The 12-Step Model of Behavioral Engagement offers specific, easy-to-learn communication skills that have been proven effective in changing conflicted relationships into compatible relationships based on the understanding that we all want to be valued, respected and listened to. The steps are based on physical, psychological, hormonal and neurological aspects of human relationships and communication. They start with the understanding that while we cannot change others’ behavior we can change our own behavior in how we relate to others, which can result in a transformative outcome for all participants.

Handling Difficult relationships during the holidays by georgianna donadio of national institute of whole health

We can do so by using specific, simple communication skills and following the steps that have been shown to be effective in creating greater receptivity and generating more positive emotions in relationships that have previously been conflicted or stressful.

If you have experienced or are anticipating challenging relationships during the holidays, you may wish to apply these easy steps and see if they can assist you in having happier and even healthier holidays.

Step One: Be physically comfortable when communicating. This removes discomfort that can distract from the conversation. Distractions reduce your attention, focus on the person you are speaking with, and decrease the conversational rapport and receptivity.

Step Two: Understand what you want. Our intentions are powerful behavior motivators. Understanding what we want from an exchange or a relationship can assist us in communicating more clearly our thoughts and feelings, inviting greater understanding and intimacy. Example: “I really want to understand what you are upset about.”

Step Three: Centered body posture. Uncross arms and legs and present open, receptive body language. To send the message that you are respecting the conversation and giving the other person your fully attention, do not play with your watch, glasses, hair or continually look away from the person you are speaking with. Committing to being focused is an important element in communication and sends the message that you care. We can all feel when someone values being with or speaking to us.

Step Four : Sustained, soft eye contact has been shown to stimulate oxytocin, which opens emotional centers of the brain and enhances trust and feelings of love and intimacy.

Step Five : Respectful inquiry. Asking rather than telling or directing and using “I” statements rather than “you” statements creates a safe, non-judgmental environment for the other person to communicate openly.

Step Six: Responsiveness. Using appropriate responses, such as facial expressions, smiling, head nodding and so forth, indicates you are listening and understanding what the other is saying without interrupting or interjecting. This acknowledges the value you have for their communication.

Step Seven: Pauses between responses. Instead of immediately speaking as soon as the other person is finished, allowing for appropriate pauses when someone has shared a thought or feeling with you creates for them the experience that they are being respectfully listened to, and that you are truly present to them.

Step Eight: Non-judgment. By not allowing yourself to focus on your unspoken mental and emotional judgments you eliminate the unconscious communication that is sent through subtle and gross body language. Unconscious, non-verbal body language is something most of us pick up on and they can make or break the communication.

Step Nine: Leave the ego at the door. Eliminate the push-pull or power struggle of previous relationship interactions by letting go of taking control of the communication and allow for equity between you and the other individual.

Step Ten: Re-centering when you start to lose focus. Mentally repeating simple words you identify as prompts to get you back to the focus of the conversation is a quick and effective way to get yourself re-centered in the exchange. Example: “Back to focus” or “Get centered.”

Step Eleven: Collaborative mindset. Working toward having a win-win outcome eliminates conflict and improves the quality of the relationship in both the short term and the long term.

Step Twelve: Sacredness of relationship. Sacredness means “worthy of respect.” When we are aware of appropriate verbal and behavioral boundaries within our communications, we hold the other person in high esteem and create fulfilling, lasting relationships.

When dealing with family holiday conflicts it can be helpful for us to try simple, proven communications skills but also to reflect on the wisdom of the question: “Would you rather be loved than be right?” Often times when we elect love over being in control or being right relationships shift for the better.

Becoming You – Developing Self-Esteem

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Becoming You – Developing Self-Esteem

The Merriam Webster definition of self esteem is “a confidence and satisfaction in oneself; self respect.” Self-esteem and self-respect are two important aspects of whole person care at any age. During the years of adolescence, however, personal and social differentiation is at an all time high, with peers playing a significant role in how our self-esteem expresses itself. As you are probably very well aware, your self-esteem is especially a front and center issue from middle school through high school.

According to Marilyn J. Sorensen, PhD, author of numerous books on self-esteem, our self-esteem is formed in childhood, when we develop an initial conscious and unconscious impression of ourselves. What we hear said about ourselves has a lasting impact on the messages our brain records as being our worth or our value in the world. It is these messages or neurological records that get “triggered’ when our peers either respond positively or negatively to us.

During the adolescent years, as you are physically developing and becoming young women and men, your appearance and how others respond to you can certainly become important. Other peer related issues such as belonging or being part of a particular group or activity are as well.

It may surprise you that current statistics show seven in ten females believe they are not good enough or do not measure up in some way, including their looks, performance in school and relationships with friends and family members. And for males, the statistics over the past 25 years have gone from 15% dissatisfaction to 45% dissatisfaction regarding how they feel about their physical appearance.

The developing and confusing years of adolescence are filled with exploring and identifying what you think of yourself or what social direction you may wish to go in. It is also a time that you can begin to know yourself outside your family environment and develop who you are in a more meaningful and realistic way. This means sorting through the many reflections of “who and how you are” in relationship to the large world around you.

It is during this time, no matter what kind of earlier conditioning you have received, that you can take control over your self-esteem and self-respect. I would like to share with you a story about one of my children. She has happily given permission for me to share this with you because she feels it is an important story to tell.

At the age of 15, my daughter was very unhappy and struggling with feeling badly about herself. That whole year for her was filled with tears and poor grades. One day, we took a walk and talked about what she was experiencing. She said many times during that conversation, “I hate myself. I don’t want to be me.” I gently asked her why and she said that she “she didn’t think she was a good enough person because of the problems she was having with her peers.”

Not wanting to pry, I did not ask for details and she did not offer them. Rather, I shared something with her I learned about whole health and self-esteem when I was much older than her 15 years of age. I shared with that what is important, at any time in our life for us to feel good about our self, is that when we behavior in a way towards ourselves and others that is in agreement, or congruent, with our personal values – we feel good about who we are. Bottom line: No matter what anyone else says or does towards us, when we act in concert with our personal values, we feel good. Our perception and expression of ourselves can largely impact our whole health, which is far more important than what others think. We many not like the way others treat us or how they hurt our feelings, but our self–esteem and self-respect are high.

When we do not act in agreement, or congruently, with our personal values and inner beliefs of right and wrong, then we feel badly about ourselves; no matter what positive or flattering things someone else may say about us. Self-esteem and self-respect, like beauty, start from the inside out. No one can make us feel badly about ourselves when we know, and are confident, that our behavior towards ourselves and others is from a place of our values and of respect.

If you are working through this natural adolescent sorting process, reflecting on this information may assist you in changing how you feel about yourself, how your treat yourself and how you create relationships with others. My daughter, who is now in college, told me our walk together that day was the most important thing she has ever earned about how to feel good about herself. I hope it is helpful for you as well.

References & Resources:

www.learntobehealthy.org
http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/emotions/self_esteem.html
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/breaking-the-chain-of-low-self-esteem-marilyn-j-sorensen/1102088340

For more whole health discussions, listen to my weekly radio show Living Above The Drama. Also available on iHeartRadio.

Becoming You – Developing Self-Esteem

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Becoming You – Developing Self-Esteem

The Merriam Webster definition of self esteem is “a confidence and satisfaction in oneself; self respect.” Self-esteem and self-respect are two important aspects of whole person care at any age. During the years of adolescence, however, personal and social differentiation is at an all time high, with peers playing a significant role in how our self-esteem expresses itself. As you are probably very well aware, your self-esteem is especially a front and center issue from middle school through high school.

According to Marilyn J. Sorensen, PhD, author of numerous books on self-esteem, our self-esteem is formed in childhood, when we develop an initial conscious and unconscious impression of ourselves. What we hear said about ourselves has a lasting impact on the messages our brain records as being our worth or our value in the world. It is these messages or neurological records that get “triggered’ when our peers either respond positively or negatively to us.

During the adolescent years, as you are physically developing and becoming young women and men, your appearance and how others respond to you can certainly become important. Other peer related issues such as belonging or being part of a particular group or activity are, as well.

It may surprise you that current statistics show seven in ten females believe they are not good enough or do not measure up in some way, including their looks, performance in school and relationships with friends and family members. And for males, the statistics over the past 25 years have gone from 15% dissatisfaction to 45% dissatisfaction regarding how they feel about their physical appearance.

The developing and confusing years of adolescence are filled with exploring and identifying what you think of yourself or what social direction you may wish to go in. It is also a time that you can begin to know yourself outside your family environment and develop who you are in a more meaningful and realistic way. This means sorting through the many reflections of “who and how you are” in relationship to the large world around you.

It is during this time, no matter what kind of earlier conditioning you have received, that you can take control over your self-esteem and self-respect. I would like to share with you a story about one of my children. She has happily given permission for me to share this with you because she feels it is an important story to tell.

At the age of 15, my daughter was very unhappy and struggling with feeling badly about herself. That whole year for her was filled with tears and poor grades. One day, we took a walk and talked about what she was experiencing. She said many times during that conversation, “I hate myself. I don’t want to be me.” I gently asked her why and she said that she “she didn’t think she was a good enough person because of the problems she was having with her peers.”

Not wanting to pry, I did not ask for details and she did not offer them. Rather, I shared something with her I learned about whole health and self-esteem when I was much older than her 15 years of age. I shared with that what is important, at any time in our life for us to feel good about our self, is that when we behavior in a way towards ourselves and others that is in agreement, or congruent, with our personal values – we feel good about who we are. Bottom line: No matter what anyone else says or does towards us, when we act in concert with our personal values, we feel good. Our perception and expression of ourselves can largely impact our whole health, which is far more important than what others think. We many not like the way others treat us or how they hurt our feelings, but our self–esteem and self-respect are high.

When we do not act in agreement, or congruently, with our personal values and inner beliefs of right and wrong, then we feel badly about ourselves; no matter what positive or flattering things someone else may say about us. Self-esteem and self-respect, like beauty, start from the inside out. No one can make us feel badly about ourselves when we know, and are confident, that our behavior towards ourselves and others is from a place of our values and of respect.

If you are working through this natural adolescent sorting process, reflecting on this information may assist you in changing how you feel about yourself, how your treat yourself and how you create relationships with others. My daughter, who is now in college, told me our walk together that day was the most important thing she has ever earned about how to feel good about herself. I hope it is helpful for you as well.

References & Resources:

www.learntobehealthy.org
http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/emotions/self_esteem.html
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/breaking-the-chain-of-low-self-esteem-marilyn-j-sorensen/1102088340

For more whole health discussions, listen to Dr. Georgianna Donadio’s radio show Living Above The Drama.

 

Research Reveals The Purpose Of Your Emotions

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research reveals purpose of emotions

Most of us perceive the brain as being for thinking, or intellectual functions. We often think of ourselves, our personality, as what is going on in those intellectual functions from the neck up. In fact, there are several parts to our brain that contribute to who we are and how we form our personality, not just our intellectual cortex. In this way, the purpose/role of emotions is far more complex than meets the eye.

The cortex is what we refer to as our smart brain. Most of us know individuals who are brilliant academically or intellectually, yet they can be emotionally dysfunctional almost in the extreme. We often presume erroneously that our thinking brain should be “smart” enough to exercise dominion over our emotions.

However, the missing piece of information here is that our emotions actually are a survival adaptation mechanism that each of us develops as we process our early environment and social conditioning.

Aggressive Or Passive?
Some of us learn to be assertive or aggressive in our environments to adapt, and some of us learn to become passive or try to become invisible to stay safe and secure. Nothing is more powerful in the human being than the drive to survive. Hence, our emotions win in the battle between thinking and feeling.

It is helpful to understand that our emotions represent how we learned to adapt in our surroundings and environment, especially during the first five years of our development. Our familial input taught us, as it did Ivan Pavlov’s dogs, how to respond to the stimuli we received as infants and toddlers.

Embedded Conditioning
This embedded neurological conditioning is not overcome by thought processes; the thought process for humans is the newest component to our primitive, or primordial, brain. But it is in the survival adaptive portion of our brain that we form our personality and that we become conditioned to create and interact within relationships.

You have to understand that the interpersonal issues that can frustrate you may come from your drive to survive and the conditioned responses to the stimulation and environment you have experienced. They do not stem from a desire to be difficult or bad intent. Realize this and you can begin to be kinder and gentler toward yourself and others.

Our emotions are the way we learn to live and survive in our world. We cannot think them into changing, but we can step back and appreciate the service and challenge they offer us in our daily lives. We can also explore techniques that allow us to have greater control over our emotions. For a free chapter download on brain function and behavior, visit changingbehavior.org.

FREE Whole Health Consultations available.

888-354-4325 Take charge of your health!

How To Overcome Loneliness

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Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, says of loneliness, “The more I’ve learned about happiness, the more I have come to believe that loneliness is a terrible, common, and important obstacle [to happiness].” We have all experienced loneliness in our lives. We know that it is an experience that is not about being alone. We can be by ourselves in solitude and never feel lonely. Or we can be with a crowd of people and feel completely, totally alone in the world.

What Sparks Loneliness

If loneliness is not related to being alone, then what circumstances create this sad and sometimes debilitating feeling? How can we be proactive in avoiding these circumstances and enriching our emotional lives with greater happiness?

In a study conducted by the National Institute of Aging, researcher John T. Cacioppo notes: “The main psychological difference between lonely and non-lonely people is that the former perceive stressful circumstances as threatening rather than challenging and cope passively and withdraw from stress rather than trying to solve the problem.” The study identified the relationship between those who score high for loneliness and those who have the highest blood pressure.

An Epidemic Of Emptiness

While about one in five Americans is reported to be lonely, a study from the British Mental Health Foundation shows Britain is currently in the grip of an “epidemic of loneliness.” This type of loneliness is described as a “patchwork of feeling unhappy, stressed out, friendless and hostile.”

Andrew McCulloch, chief executive of the Mental Health Foundation, says: “Human beings are, of course, social animals, and we’ve evolved to live in extended family groups. If we’re not in a group like that we begin to feel anxious, depressed and begin to find it increasingly difficult to regulate our own behavior.”

The Way Of Elimination

Most studies on loneliness point to a lack of belonging, an absence of being valued, cared about, and appreciated for our contributions to the group. As human beings, we have a need to belong with others and be part a community. Being with others in a meaningful way is identified as a key to eliminating loneliness. Mahatma Gandhi said: “The best way to find your self is to lose yourself in the service of others.”

By participating in activities that help others, giving of ourselves and serving those in need, we create meaningful relationships that provide us with purpose, fulfillment and greater happiness. Nourishing others has demonstrated the ability to eliminate loneliness and enhance our quality and enjoyment of life.

For a free download on creating excellent communication in relationships, visit www.changingbehavior.org.

FREE Whole Health Consultations available.
888-354-4325 Take charge of your health!

 

Should You Curb Your Blabbermouth?: Social Costs And Benefits Of Gossip

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Gossip is one of the most unconscious addictions many of us suffer from. If you want to do a little experiment, count how many times a day you talk about other people: those you know and even those you don't like celebrities and politicians.

It's not that all gossip is bad. There are basic social functions that gossip serves. The first function is that it creates an informal exchange of information. Think of popular referral websites like "Angie's List" that provide feedback from folks who utilize professional services. The "grapevine" gossip can be informative and can serve as a reference service when we are looking to find out if someone is trustworthy or if a doctor or dentist is a good practitioner.

Another purpose gossip serves is to control inappropriate behavior by creating fear of such behavior being broadcast through gossip and revealing information about an individual they would prefer to keep under wraps. Treating others badly, cheating on a spouse, or being thought of as a liar are typical behaviors that people will usually curb to avoid being gossiped about.

Gossip can also be part of storytelling and an attempt to understand human nature and why people behave as they do. We are often like curious detectives talking about what a person did or said to attempt to understand their motives and how they might be feeling about us. This is one way we try to resolve our realtionship conflicts by talking about the person with friends, family, and even therapists.

When gossip is bad or ugly, we step over the line and maliciously critize and "bad mouth" someone for the purpose of either putting them down or building ourselves up. We may critize others in an attempt to deflect our own fears of inadequacy and insecurity.

Gossip can range from insightful storytelling or social therapy to destructive behavior that diminshes others and ourselves. An important thing to remember about gossip is well stated in the Spanish proverb: "He who gossips with you will also gossip about you."

 

FREE Whole Health Consultations available.
888-354-4325 Take charge of your health!

The Connection Between Brain Function, Behavior, And Your Emotions

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There are three parts of the human brain, referred to as the "triune brain." Paul D.MacLean, an early research director for the National Institute of Mental Health, postulated the Triune Brain Theory. It states that the human brain is a product of three stages of evolution and is actually three separate brains that have evolved into one brain over long periods of time.

Three Parts

The first section [the lowest portion of the brain] is comprised of the top part of the spinal cord, the medulla oblongata, the pons, and the cerebellum. MacClean calls this “the reptilian brain.” As he stated, “at its base [the human brain] was a variation in the elaboration of the reptilian brain."

The limbic system [located in the mid-portion of the brain] states MacClean, "was an elaboration of the new mammalian brain from the Jurassic period". He termed it the "mid-brain" or the neo-mammalian brain (new mammal).

The upper most and largest part of the human brain, the cerebral cortex, encompasses our logic centers, our "intellect." MacClean termed this portion "the neo-cortex" (new cortex).

Fundamental Behavior

The Reptilian or "vegetable brain" [recall the autonomic nervous system functions], is fundamentally concerned with homeostasis, which is involved in regulating all of the body functions that allow each of us to be human, get up every day, and live our lives. If you do not have a well-functioning lower brain, if you have a tumor, if you have a trauma, if you’re in an accident, if something happens to your brainstem, you may no longer have the capacity to control the day to day homeostatic functions to maintain your life.

Interpreting Information

Embedded inside the Limbic System is a structure identified as the Reticular Activating System, which has pathways as well as neurons traveling throughout the lower brain, up through the medulla oblongata, across the Limbic System, and into the Neo-Cortex or the "thinking brain".

The Limbic System and Reticular Activating System interpret sensory motor messages that are "incoming" from the person's environment. It is in this portion of the brain that we not only interpret the "incoming stimuli and information," but we also select methods for survival and adaptation.

Here is where it gets exciting to put the anatomy and physiology of brain function and the psychology of personality together!

Putting It All Together To Survive

We know the neo-cortex is our thinking, intellectual brain – our "smart brain" – and most of us know individuals who are brilliant academically or intellectually yet they are emotionally dysfunctional in the extreme. Our thinking brain would presume that being "smart" or intellectually capable would exercise dominion over one's emotions, however, the missing piece of information here is that our emotions actually are a survival adaptation mechanism that each of us individually develops as we process our early environment and social conditioning. Nothing is more powerful in the human being than its drive to survive! Hence, our emotions win the day in the battle between thinking and feeling.

It is critically important for each of us to understand that our emotions represent how we learned to adapt in our surroundings and environment, especially during the first 0-5 years of our development. Our familial "input" taught us, as did Pavlov with his dogs, how to respond to the stimuli we received as infants and toddlers.

Your Brain And Relationships

This embedded neurological conditioning is not overcome by the thought process, as the thought process for humans is the "newest" component to our primordial brain. It is in the adaptive portion of our brain where we form our "personality" and where we become conditioned to create and interact within relationships.

When we understand the possibility that the interpersonal issues that frustrate us may come not from "being difficult" or having "bad intent" but rather from our drive to survive and our interpretation of the stimulation and environment we were conditioned by, then we can begin to be "kinder and gentler" towards ourselves and others.

In summary, our emotions are the way we learn to live and survive in our world. We cannot "think them" into changing, but we can step back and appreciate the service and challenge they offer us in our daily lives.

FREE Whole Health Consultations available.
888-354-4325 Take charge of your health!

Why Do We Need Emotions?

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Most of us perceive the brain as serving “thinking” or intellectual functions. A person often thinks of his or her personality as what is going on “from the neck up.” In fact, several parts of the brain — not just the thinking cortex — contribute to who a person is and how their personality is formed. 

The Cortex Of Survival

The cortex is what we refer to as the smart brain. Most of us know individuals who are brilliant academically or intellectually, yet they are emotionally dysfunctional almost in the extreme. We often presume erroneously that the thinking brain should be “smart” enough to exercise dominion over emotions.

However, the missing piece of information here is that emotions actually are a survival-adaptation mechanism that each of us develops as we process our early environment and social conditioning. Some of us learn to be assertive or aggressive in our environments. Others may learn to become passive or try to become invisible to stay safe and secure.

Nothing is more powerful in a human being than the drive to survive. Hence, emotions win the day in the battle between thinking and feeling. It is helpful to understand that emotions represent how we learned to adapt in our surroundings and environment, especially during the first five years of development.

More Input

Our familial input taught us, as Ivan Pavlov taught his dogs, how to respond to the stimuli we received as infants and toddlers. This embedded neurological conditioning is not overcome by the thought process; the thought process for humans is the newest component to the primordial brain. The survival adaptive portion of the brain is where the personality forms and where people become conditioned to create and interact within relationships.

Relationships And Conditioning

Frustrating interpersonal issues may come from the drive to survive and the interpretation of the stimulation and environment that conditioned us, rather than from being difficult or having bad intent. Understanding that can allow a person to begin to be “kinder and gentler” toward himself and others.

In summary, emotions enable us to live and survive in our world. We cannot think them into changing. However, we can step back and appreciate the service and challenge they offer us in our daily lives. We can also explore techniques that allow us to have greater control over our emotions.

For a free chapter download of the award-winning bestselling book Changing Behavior: Immediately Transform Your Relationships with Easy to Learn, Proven Communication Skills, visit: http://www.changingbehavior.org