Tag Archives: whole person health

The Nourishment Of Our Relationships

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We don’t often think of relationships as nutritious, but indeed they are. Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, made a statement about the power of love and relationships and their importance to our happiness: “We are never so helplessly unhappy as when we lose love.”

A Little Knowledge

Freud knew something from his experience about the human condition because of his many years treating patients who experienced difficult, unfulfilling and loveless relationships. We often forget that those who love us and those we love fulfill our basic human need to be known, valued and wanted. All healthy human beings want to be valued and want to experience being cared for and treated respectfully. We want to receive affection from those we care about.

As an older adult who, like Freud, has seen the ravages of love’s loss, I have come to appreciate and cherish those in my life who fulfill my need to be valued and wanted, my need to be loved.

Perfect Memories

It is important for each of us to remember that no one is perfect and that if we expect perfection in love, we will surely be disappointed. One of the gifts of age and experience is the relief of realizing that each act of love we give from our imperfect self to another and the love given to us by imperfect others is the most important wealth we possess.

At the end of the day, when all else is stilled and the distractions of work, ambition, success and achievement are put aside, those we “go home to” and the nourishment they provide us are our real treasures.

May we take a moment each day to appreciate how profound a blessing the gift of relationship is in our lives. For a free download on enhancing your relationship through communication skills, visit http://www.changingbehavior.org/.

 

What Happens to Relationships When We Don’t Feel Understood

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When couples are asked what it is in their relationship that makes them feel fulfilled, the answer is inevitably that they feel “understood and cared about”. Contrary to what many of us believe, having misunderstandings is not the problem in our relationships. It is not having a misunderstanding that is what creates bad feelings and unhappiness in relationships, but rather not feeling that the person we are most intimate with and care most deeply about doesn’t understand who we are and what we are feeling.

In order to feel loved we must first experience that others understand us and regard us as good and valuable human beings. If our significant others do not understand or get who we are and how we feel, that leaves us with a feeling of being misunderstood. It can also lead to our feeling alone because only someone who truly knows us, rather than just thinking they know us, can truly love us for who we actually are.

When we are in a relationship we do not want to continually explain ourselves to another person, or justify our values, beliefs or the choices we make in our lives. If after a time, that person cannot be really present to us, listening to what we have to share and sharing their own thoughts and feelings, the relationship quickly deteriorates. This is why one of the important focal points in good couples counseling is learning what is called “active listening.”

The main purpose of active listening is to let your partner know that you are truly listening to them and that you are really “present” to them as well – that means they have our full attention.  And by giving them our full attention, we can more authentically understand how they feel and what their point of view and opinions are about the important discussions that make up all relationships.

A key component of active listening is when we reflect back to the other person what we understand they were communicating to us so that we can be sure that we understand and not mis-interpret their communication. When we do this, we ask questions to clarify, such as “Are you saying that you were upset that I did not go to your aunt’s house for dinner on Sunday, even though you had said it didn’t matter if I went or not?”

By working together so that the listening partner and the speaking partner both understand that clarifying their understanding of what is being communicated and also participating in active communication as well as active listening, the relationship can take on a greater depth, intimacy and fulfillment. Effective communication is always the key to any good relationship. For a free chapter download from the award winning, Changing Behavior, visit changingbehavior.org.

Relationships as Nourishment

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We don't often think of relationships as nutrient, but indeed they are. Freud made a statement about the power of love and relationships and their importance to our happiness when he said: "We are never so hopelessly unhappy as when we lose love."

Freud knew something from his experience about the human condition from his many years treating patients who experienced difficult, unfulfilling and loveless relationships. We often forget that those who love us and those we love fulfill our basic human need to be known, valued and wanted. All healthy human beings want to be valued and experience being cared for, treated respectfully and receive affection from those we care about.

As an older adult who, like Freud, has seen the ravages of loves loss, I have come to appreciate and cherish those in my life who fulfill my need to be valued and wanted – my need to be loved.

It is important for each of us to remember that no one is perfect and that if we expect perfection in love we will surely be disappointed. One of the gifts of age and experience is the relief of realizing that each act of love we give from our imperfect self to another and the love given to us by imperfect others, is the most important wealth we possess.

At the end of the day, when all else is stilled and the distractions of work, ambition, success and achievement are put aside, it is those we "go home to" and the nourishment they provide us that is our real treasure.

May we take a moment each day to appreciate how profound a blessing the gift of love is in our lives.

With all good wishes,
Georgianna
Copyright 2012 G. Donadio

Take Two Tylenol, Call Me in the Morning

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Here is a very interesting bit of research. Although I have shared this information on a national blog I write for, the information was so interesting that I wanted to share it again, here with you.

Last year there was a study conducted at the University of Kentucky, College of Arts and Sciences, that was examining the connection and possible overlap between physical pain and emotional pain. This particular study had 62 participants who were filling out the “Hurt Feeling Scale”, a self-assessment tool which measures an individual’s reaction to distressing experiences. In addition, the study was using doses of the active ingredient in Tylenol, acetaminophen, as art of its protocol.

The researchers separated the study volunteers into two groups. The first group, after filling out their self-assessment tools, were given 1,000 mg of the acetaminophen. This is a dose that is equal to one Extra Strength Tylenol. The control group however, received a placebo  instead of the acetaminophen.

The finding from this study showed that the control group without the acetaminphen, after three weeks, did not experience any change in the amount of intensity of "hurt" feeling during the three week period. However, the group that did receive the active ingredient reported a noticeable reduction of "hurt" feelings on a regular, day-today basis.

The outcomes were so interesting that the researchers started a second study cohort group of 25 different volunteers, but this time upped the amount of acetaminophen to 2,000 mg daily and added computer games that were designed to create social rejection and a feeling of isolation in the participants. Also new to the study was MRI scanning which were able to identify when the participants had feelings of social rejection occur.

Now here is the "gold" of this research – the outcomes demonstrated that the area of the brain where emotional discomfort is felt is the same location that the physical pain is experienced in. This would explain why the group that was taking the acetaminophen, while having not physical pain, reported less feelings of hurt and rejection than the group that was not taking the acetaminophen but rather a placebo substance.

Geoff MacDonald, PhD, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Toronto who is an expert in romantic relationships, co-authored this study. MacDonald states that our brain pain centers cannot tell the difference between physical pain and emotional pain.
So, while Tylenol is not recommended to be used routinely as it can lead to liver and digestive system disturbances, knowing that it can take away the pain of a broken heart, it may soon be that our therapists as well as our physicians will recommendation that we “take two Tylenol and call me in the morning” for heartache as well as for headache!

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/227298.php http://web.psych.utoronto.ca/gmacdonald/Research%20Interests.html

With all good wishes,
Georgianna

Copyright 2012, G. Donadio All Rights Reserved

Why Some Men Can Not Commit Emotionally

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Recently, a patient was referred to my practice who was experiencing depression and anxiety.  She thought the problem might be nutritional and asked her doctor for a referral. When we began to explore her issues, what she identified as a core problem in her life was that her husband put his mother before her – his wife.

She reported that the son was emotionally tethered to his mother and could not stand up to her. The patient stated that she felt betrayed, rejected and deeply resentful of her mother-in-law and her husband. These were the feelings that were living below her depression.

In researching Whole Health educational material to share with her, I came upon an article that really resonated with her issue. It did not, however, have an author’s name or the date it was written on it but the book referenced below is written by psychotherapist Patti Henry, M.Ed, L.P.C. I believe this is a little talked about issue that is far more prevelant than we realize. Hope you find it as helpful and interesting  as I have.

“There are many reasons why a husband puts his mother on a higher level than his wife, but I have found the most prevalent, by far, is emotional incest. Emotional incest occurs in childhood when a child’s emotional self is unwittingly violated.


More often than not, the child is unaware of his “de-selfing.” Being the “little man of the house watching over mommy” or the “golden child” sets the child up to feel special. (Sometimes this happens to more than one of the male children in the family.)

 

This happens when the energy in the parent-child relationship gets mixed-up and, rather than the parent taking care of the child’s emotional needs, the child is somehow responsible for taking care of the emotional needs of the parent.

Another problem with emotional incest is that it is so thorough. The child isn’t aware of the problem because it has been there almost since the day he was born. He has no other experience to compare it to. It is just “normal.”

Therefore, when describing their childhoods, adults who have been emotionally incested frequently are unable to identify any problems or unresolved issues from their pasts at all. The emotional incest is often seen as “love,” even though there was an incredibly high price to pay for that “love”: the child must disconnect from his authentic self to please the parent.

I, as a clinician, start looking for it when the wife complains that her husband’s primary relationship seems to be with his mother and not her.  If you as the wife can see it, I know you’ve probably tried to get your husband to see it.

If this hasn’t worked, you will need some outside help. Look for a marriage counselor who is very familiar with and experienced working with the effects of emotional incest. Give your husband this article. Give him a copy of my book, “The Emotionally Unavailable Man: A Blueprint for Healing.” Read Pat Love’s book.


It doesn’t matter if you feel you are treating your partner as primary – your partner must feel this. Your behavior must be consistent enough for her to register it. Your behavior, words, and attitude must convey, “You are more important to me than my mother.” Mothers are important, precious, and need to be honored, of course, but there is wisdom in the Biblical instruction to “leave and cleave.”

And how do you know you’re making progress? This paragraph is particularly written to men. Mainly you will know you are making progress when your primary relationship is with your partner, and she knows it deep in her soul. Your wife must feel primary, that is, number one. Knowledge is the best hope for an awakening.

Leave your family of origin and cleave to your wife and new family. Think of your wife and her happiness first as you make choices this holiday season. You may be surprised at what gifts you get in return.

I wish you clarity and strength: for breaking an emotionally incestuous bond is not easy. In fact, it is very, very difficult. But, as with breaking the incredibly strong bonds of addiction, people do it every day. You can, too.
May this holiday season bring you love and peace.””

With all good wishes,
Georgianna

Tylenol for a Broken Heart?

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Here is a very interesting bit of research. Although I have shared this information on a national blog I write for, the information was so interesting that I wanted to share it again, here with you.

Last year there was a study conducted at the University of Kentucky, College of Arts and Sciences, that was examining the connection and possible overlap between physical pain and emotional pain. This particular study had 62 participants who were filling out the “Hurt Feeling Scale”, a self-assessment tool which measures an individual’s reaction to distressing experiences. In addition, the study was using doses of the active ingredient in Tylenol, acetaminophen, as art of its protocol. 

The researchers separated the study volunteers into two groups. The first group, after filling out their self-assessment tools, were given 1,000 mg of the acetaminophen. This is a dose that is equal to one Extra Strength Tylenol. The control group however, received a placebo  instead of the acetaminophen.

The finding from this study showed that the control group without the acetaminphen, after three weeks, did not experience any change in the amount of intensity of "hurt" feeling during the three week period. However, the group that did receive the active ingredient reported a noticeable reduction of "hurt" feelings on a regular, day-today basis.

The outcomes were so interesting that the researchers started a second study cohort group of 25 different volunteers, but this time upped the amount of acetaminophen to 2,000 mg daily and added computer games that were designed to create social rejection and a feeling of isolation in the participants. Also new to the study was MRI scanning which were able to identify when the participants had feelings of social rejection occur.

Now here is the "gold" of this research – the outcomes demonstrated that the area of the brain where emotional discomfort is felt is the same location that the physical pain is experienced in. This would explain why the group that was taking the acetaminophen, while having not physical pain, reported less feelings of hurt and rejection than the group that was not taking the acetaminophen but rather a placebo substance.

Geoff MacDonald, PhD, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Toronto who is an expert in romantic relationships, co-authored this study. MacDonald states that our brain pain centers cannot tell the difference between physical pain and emotional pain.
So, while Tylenol is not recommended to be used routinely as it can lead to liver and digestive system disturbances, knowing that it can take away the pain of a broken heart, it may soon be that our therapists as well as our physicians will recommendation that we “take two Tylenol and call me in the morning” for heartache as well as for headache!

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/227298.php http://web.psych.utoronto.ca/gmacdonald/Research%20Interests.html

With all good wishes,
Georgianna

Copyright 2011, G. Donadio All Rights Reserved

Infertility and Stress

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When a couple desires to have a child together and they are unable to conceive, it can be a time of great stress and upset for both partners. The inability to conceive, and the resulting longing that accompanies it, can be one of the most painful and difficult things a couple can experience together.

A number of years ago, in the New England Journal of Medicine, an article appeared that caught my eye because at that time there were a significant number or couples in my practice who were experiencing infertility. The article stated that often, regardless of the advances in medical technology and the various in-vitro methods available, a woman will ony become pregnant when her body is ready to carry a conception to term.

This wisely suggests that there are a number of reasons a woman may not conceive when she wishes to; and that the body’s innate intelligence knows when the best time and condition for a successful conception and birth of her baby is. The article also went on to say that stress is the number one reason women do not conceive when they wish to.

This is well demonstrated with women who adopt a baby when they cannot conceive, settle into motherhood, only to find that they are pregnant – something they or their doctors did not think would happen. The discussion of why women, in other cultures, become pregnant more easily that women in the US always leads back to our lifestyle and the abundance of stressful living we have in the US.

How does stress actually cause infertility? Here are the facts –

1. When we become stressed for periods of time, our body must make more cortisol, an adrenal hormone that deals with stress adaptation.

2. To provide this additional cortisol, the body diverts the production of sex hormones into the production of cortisol. This reduces fertility. Under stress, sex and reproduction is the first thing the body ignores.

3. Excess levels of cortisol interfere with oxytocin, the hormone required for fertile egg implantation in a woman’s uterus lining.

4. Excess stress over time suppresses the immune function as well as interferes with healthy digestive function that can lead to malnutrition.

If you or someone you know wants to conceive and is having a difficult time, they may greatly benefit from becoming familiar with this information and finding ways to decrease their anxiety about becoming pregnant, or reduce their lifestyle that may be causing high levels of physical stress.

With all good wishes,
Georgianna

Copyright 2011 G. Donadio

How Your Relationships Impact Your Health

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NIWH is about to publish its first book on transforming relationships using our Behavioral Engagement model of behavior change. The book discusses all the interwoven components of how and why people change their behaviors and the number one overriding factor in why we behave as we do.

At the top of the list is our needs as human beings, right next to food, water and shelter, is the need to be in relationship with others. The Belongingness Theory is held by many psychologists to be rooted in evolution and how humans have been able to survive and thrive in extremely difficult and often dangerous environments. According to the theory, our bodies release neurotransmitter chemicals when we socialize and these neurochemicals have a positive affect on our nevous systems and sense of security and being part of a larger and safer group of others.

We all form what is referred to as “para-relationships” as well. In these realtionships we assoiate ourselves with others like TV characters in sit-coms or with groups of people, like a football team. These attachments allows us to expand our sense of “tribe” and belongingness as well as provide a “reflective” sense of accomplishment or achievement when the groups we associate with win a championship or an Emmy award.

Our realtionships and a sense of belonging are a top priority to all of us. We often lose sight of this until a relationship has ended or someone has passed away. Freud accuratedly said “we are never so hopelessly unhappy as when we lose love.” When it comes to our health, we often do not connect how imperative the experience of loving, being loved and belonging are to our overall well being and immune function. It feels important that from time to time that we remind ourselves about what really matters in our lives as our health and our relationships are intimately intertwined.

Do something good for your self today, and for those you are in relationship with. Take a moment of gratitude for the gift of family, friends, spouse, partner, peers who enrich your life and keep you healthy.

Without the gift of sharing love, our lives and our health suffer.

With all good wishes,
G
© by NIWH 2011 all rights reserved

Fish and Heart Health – a Surprising Study

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The Women’s Health Initiative Observational Study (WHI-OS), which involved 84,493 females aged 50-79 years old, analyzed data over a 10 year period on the effects of various forms of fish consumption and heart failure. At the start of this study none of the participants had heart disease.

Fish is well known as a food which enhances both physical as well as mental health. Fish oil is also reported to be a mental and physical nutrient which reduces disease development and mental deterioration. In evaluating fish and fish oil it would be natural to expect that positive outcomes would be observed and reported.

The study divided the consumption of baked or broiled fish into frequency catagories of less than 1 time per month; 1-3 times per month; 1-2 times per week; 3-4 times per week and greater than 5 times per week.

The study also observed the consumption of fried fish at the frequencies of less than one serving per month; 1-3 times per month and greater than 1 time per week.

The findings, however, were startling. The weekly consumption of 5 or more serving of baked or broiled dark fish, primarily salmon, mackerel and bluefish, was found to lower the risk of heart failure by an impressive 30%. While the consumption of fried fish, just 1 time or more per week, was associated to be related to a 48% increase in heart failure!

Another surprise within this study is that the assumption that taking omega-3 supplements will be as beneficial as eating fish. The study could not identify any significant change in cardiac failure rates that was associated with taking omega-3 supplements.

While the study came to no hard and fast conclusion of why the fried fish was so lethal, the thinking is that there must be some property to the oil when deep fried that creates the negative health affects. Another conclusion was that it appears better to eat fresh fish that is baked or broiled that to reply on fish oil supplements for heart health.

While this is a blow to those of us who love fish and chips, enjoying fish that is well cooked and healthy of our hearts is not a hard thing to get used to.

With all good wishes,
Georgianna

Copyright 2011 G. Donadio

Bisphenol A (BPA) Hidden in Your Food

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Most of us are aware that there are lots of dangerous materials like additives, dyes, pesticides and carcinogens in our foods. What many of us are not aware of is that in the containers that our foods come in, especially take out, there are chemicals in the materials that may be even more harmful than the additives, dyes and pesticides.

By now you have probably heard of the dangers of the toxic chemical Bisphenol A (BPA). This chemical can be found in polycarbonate plastic food containers, bottles and takeout food containers. Numerous articles have been written on breast cancer and prostate cancer that result from exposure to the BPA contained in packaging and containers that carry food stuffs.

Recent, important environmental health study findings were published in March in the online journal Environmental Health Perspectives. A study was conducted by two organizations concerned with the environmental causes of breast cancer, the Breast Cancer Fund and Silent Spring Institute. The study was on the dangers of BPA.

The organizations identified and followed five (5) families who frequently used packaged food and drinks which were made for microwave preparation. The BPA levels of these families, which both consisted of a mother, father and two children, were measured and recorded.

Then, these same families ate fresh, organic food cooked only in glass or stainless steel containers. The immediate results on the level of BPA in their bodies with  the packaged food and fresh food was measured via urine collection, at varied intervals of the testing.

The outcomes were significant with all participants having lowered BPA levels in 72 hour period after the BPA rich packaging was exchanged with glass and stainless steel containers. The average decrease in the BPA was approximately 60%.

The study demonstrated that as quickly as six (6) hours after exposure, half the BPA is eliminated through the urine. However, if the prior use of the BPA rich packaging is resumed, the BPA levels demonstrate a return to the pre-intervention level on urine analysis. When the families resumed their normal diets, their BPA levels returned to pre-intervention levels by the next urine sample. 

What is important about this study is that it demonstrates that we can easily reduce the levels of BPA our bodies are exposed to by eliminating the use of the packaging it is found in and by cooking and preparing our foods more naturally. It is important not to use these BPA rich containers to microwave in as this increases the amount of BPA exposure.

Using glass or ceramic containers in the microwave is healthier and most importantly, they contain no BPA.  By also avoiding canned foods (unless the cans are BPA free) you will cut down on this dangerous exposure for both you and your family.

With all good wishes,
Georgianna

Copyright 2011 G. Donadio